So… how to construct a blazer made of waffles?

For one thing, I’m not sewing together a bunch of Eggo waffles, or even the square kind. I need a big-ass waffle iron in the shape of the front panels of this waffle blazer. Back panels, too. And, of course, lapels and pockets. You need pockets in your waffle blazer. I need lots of batter.

So once I’ve got all the panels done, I’ll glue them together with maple syrup that has been boiled down into a thick gluey paste.

It’s a blazer, so it needs a patch on the front pocket. A coat of arms. I think I’ll carve up a few strawberries. Maybe make a tiny strawberry lion, extending his strawberry paws, with a little strawberry crown on his head.

I need a boutonnière. I’ll carve it out of a disk of butter so it looks like a tiny white carnation. I’ll put a couple of peppermint leaves behind it.

I need a pocket square. I’ll carve up and sand down a piece of pecan brittle and slide it into the waffle pocket.

I will wear my waffle blazer proudly. And when I am done wearing it, I will eat it proudly.

I am a 41 regular.