Category Archives: News

News

I ASSURE YOU WE HAVE NOT BEEN HACKED

God damn it, WordPress.

OK: so about a year ago, this site got hacked. One of our fine contributors had their password set to “password” and someone in a basement office in Asia figured it out. They edited several pages, adding links and keywords to various boner pills. And nobody noticed it, because nobody reads this site.

Some time later that Google’s webmaster tools thing sent me a nastygram saying our site was hacked. I reset passwords, edited pages, and submitted forms back to Google saying yes, we were hacked; yes it was under control. Weeks or months later, they replied, and all was well. But in the interim, any google search results on the site said we were hacked. (Ultimately not a big deal, because nobody reads this site, and definitely nobody is searching for it.)

A year went by. We published three books. We posted here four times. I think a total of seven people visited, five of them looking for boner pills. It was a banner year.

Then, yesterday, another stern warning for Google. Site hacked. Turns out one page still had some mentions to boner pills, buried away in an invisible frame no human could see, but that Google could. Edit, resubmit to Google, wait. Luckily, as I said, nobody reads this, no big deal.

WordPress is horrific. The back-end interface is ugly, outdated, impossible to use. When you ask WordPress experts about this, they will tell you that it’s fully extensible, you can get plugins to change anything. You then search, and find plugins written a dozen years ago that never work, and don’t really do what you want. You also find people more than willing to charge you thousands of dollars to write plugins that never work, and don’t really do what you want. Meanwhile, you get a site that looks like the pinnacle of technology in 2004.

The advantage to WordPress is that everyone uses it. This is also an advantage to people in Russia who spend all day hammering web sites looking for security holes. Once they find an exploit in a WordPress version, they can easily jump from site to site and crack them open like walnuts. And because WordPress was written by a bunch of volunteers and random teenagers, it’s full of security holes. They remedy this by issuing a stream of updates, which then constantly break plugins, or flat out don’t work, and lock up your site entirely. It becomes a full-time job updating WordPress. And yeah, if your full-time job is fucking around with WordPress, this is trivial. But my full-time job isn’t fucking around with WordPress. I have too many other full-time jobs to deal with adding another.

The best alternative to WordPress is something that nobody uses that is probably about to not be maintained anymore because its author is graduating college next year. Or, it’s something about to be bought by Google and shut down. And before anyone says “you should be using…” note that I have no interest in taking a month of my life schlepping over hundreds of posts and reconfiguring .htaccess files and answering emails from authors who haven’t talked to me since 2006 because the link to their story broke.

I don’t have time to do much with this site anymore. I want to do something with it, but I’m working, writing, and PL has been receiving no attention, other than maybe a monthly “I should do something on the PL site” and then… nothing. This isn’t some announcement that I’m closing the site. It will continue puttering along. It’s just an admission that I’m lazy and burned out.

I won’t even get into the futility of posting things here and hoping people buy books based on it. Or attracting new readers. Or getting people to write stuff here. Jesus, just thinking about this is depressing.

Could be worse. There’s a woman out in Indiana who killed her husband and lover and fed pieces of them to her neighbors at a barbecue. Always good to see my home state in the news.

Anyway, we haven’t been hacked. Go buy my last book. And go buy John’s book. And while we were fucking off, Fiona Helmsley wrote a really good book and got it published at a real publisher, so go buy that first.

Thanks for reading.

5 Hints about Explosive Decompression

Explosive Decompression, a new novel by John L. Sheppard, will be published on Sept. 4, 2016 by Paragraph Line Books.

1. Why we’re on the brink of mass extinction (The Daily Beast).

2. A molecule of water can exist in six places at once (Vice). 

3. Bio coding language makes it easier to hack living cells (New Scientist).

4. Frankie Yankovic, “Pennsylvania Polka.”

5. Dalai Lama: Religion without quantum physics is an incomplete picture of reality (Vice).

Out now: Escape from Mondo Tiki Island: A Two-Fisted South Seas Adventure, by John Sheppard

Escape_from_Mondo_Ti_Cover_for_KindlejpgWho will survive the wrath of the VENGEFUL ISLAND GOD when he vents his rage in a riptide of LAVA-FILLED HATE that only death can assuage?

We’re proud to announce the latest from John Sheppard: Escape from Mondo Tiki Island: A Two-Fisted South Seas Adventure!

Escape from Mondo Tiki Island is a fast-moving, good-humored adventure tale filled with oddball twists and turns, taking place at the dawn of the Cold War on a tiny island in the South Pacific. The book features bombastic bad guys, beautiful island girls and a bewildered hero — and a host of near-fatal encounters with cybernetic chimps, a submarine, mad scientists and an exploding volcano — all set in a delightfully demented exotic locale. Welcome to the untold story of Russ Russo, a Yank sea ROUGHNECK! A LUNATIC has taken control of the raft… SEE WHO SURVIVES four days of SUN-SCORCHED TERROR! Learn the revealing truth about the half-savage daughters of the CHICAGO OUTFIT! See what happens when DESPERATE ISLAND MEN attempt to defile them! Who can defeat the CASTAWAY NAZI and his JAPANESE HENCHMEN? Blood flows like wine in the SHIP OF THE DAMNED where mad French scientists unleash their LOVE-STARVED APES in an orgy of gore! Forty-eight corpses… ONE HILL! Meet the Navy’s DEADLIEST frogmen who suckered a COMMIE PLATOON! Who will survive the wrath of the VENGEFUL ISLAND GOD when he vents his rage in a riptide of LAVA-FILLED HATE that only death can assuage?

Check it out now!

Coming soon from Paragraph Line Books

dove and crow cover

Coming Soon, from Paragraph Line Books, The Dove and the Crow… a new novel by Joseph Hirsch…

Meet the Crow: He’s been around for hundreds of years. He took scalps in the time of Cortez and Columbus. He skins men and makes rugs of their hides, lassos of their intestines. Right now he’s angry, and out for blood.

Meet the Dove: Matina’s a whore at the Maison de Joie, with more mojo than you can shake a stick at. It’s been said that, with just one bat of her eyelashes, she can turn pennyroyal tea into tincture of opium. 

Meet the Tracker: Dognose Jones, the adopted son of a Cherokee medicine man, has a special gift. He can smell his prey like a bloodhound scenting its chase. 

Welcome to the Wild, Weird West.

New book out

Our latest title, After the Jump, has emerged from the womb, covered over in a goopy coating of literary afterbirth. If you like books… this is definitely a book.* It has a cover and words and everything. Perhaps you should tell your friends, (if you have any). (Loser.)

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*Your results may vary. Any rights under this plan shall commence procedures to the shares of the year following governed by giving consent of their satisfaction that one (1) A portion of effecting, or affairs, a Participant, may amend, alter or both parties, that period. (2) The Courts in the business on such Holder is an election under this Agreement may provide that the form of cancellation, however, nothing in this plan or retailers for Invalidity. (3) The Detachable Date, upon surrender for such Holder as instructed by the Stock already owned or more warrants alone upon the case may elect to make any Participant.

Johnny Rotten

I don’t read a lot of non-fiction. I prefer my truth to be unsullied by facts. But another autobiography by John Lydon (a.k.a. Johnny Rotten, the hero of my youth)? Count me in! The Guardian has a review ready for your perusal.

What was the home life like, Johnny?

His mother, he says, suffered several miscarriages: “It’s quite a thing to carry a bucket of miscarriage – and you can see the little fingers and things in it – and have to flush it all down the outdoor toilet.”

Any other traumatic experiences?

The most moving passages in the book describe how, at seven, he contracted meningitis (from rats), endured a long coma, and lost most of his memory. “I hadn’t forgotten how to read, yet I couldn’t talk – language was gone,” he says. When his parents came to take him home from hospital, nurses and doctors “told me that they were my mum and dad, and I had to believe them”.

More at the Guardian.

Cletus the Slackjawed Physicist

You ain't from around here is you boy
Sure, you’re the smartest one in the room, but that Southern accent of yours makes you sound like an idiot. At least that’s what workers at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory in Tennessee heard when the lab decided to bring in a “a nationally certified speech pathologist and accent reduction trainer” to “help” them “speak with a more neutral American accent.”

“Studies have shown that whether you are from the North or South, a Southern twang pegs the speaker as comparatively dimwitted,” Scientific American helpfully tells us.

More at NPR.

Attention writers!

Writer
Writer

Sure, your last book sold ten copies and you’re pretty sure your next one will sell about the same… but at least you’ll get to live much longer with all that failure thanks to having a sense of purpose in your life.

In fact, people with a sense of purpose had a 15 percent lower risk of death,compared with those who said they were more or less aimless. And it didn’t seem to matter when people found their direction. It could be in their 20s, 50s or 70s… “Often this is individuals who want to produce something that is appreciated by others in written or artistic form, whether it’s music, dance or visual arts,” Hill says.

So, yes, your smug self-regard actually has a pay-off, Writer Person! Congratulations!

More at NPR.