Tag Archives: free movie

Your shitty free movie of the week… this week: Sunset Murder Case

Sunset Murder Case (1938)

Bubble Dance Your Way to Crime Solving with Sally Rand!

Noted astronaut entertainer Sally Rand solves a crime, or something, in this slight bit of entertainment from depths of the Great Depression.

God-fucking-dammit, I don’t know. There was a plot here, but it seemed like the plot was completely nonsensical, kind of like half the episodes of Doctor Who these days.

What struck me about this movie is:
1. How much men and women drank and smoked; and
2. The constant and extreme manhandling of women.

If this movie is even partially accurate about “The Good Old Days,” women must have had to nurse bruises up and down their arms, especially their upper arms, and probably had to have a sling handy for dislocated shoulders from all the yanking around men performed on them. If you can manage to pay any attention to this movie, which is feat in itself, pay attention to that. By the end of the movie, I found myself rubbing my arm. Well, at least the obnoxious reporter got clobbered in the head with a vase. There’s that.

Ah! What do you want for free, anyway? A masterpiece?

Your shitty free movie of the week… this week: The Brain That Wouldn't Die

The Brain That Wouldn't Die

You! Yes, you!

You can’t possibly be prepared for this, the greatest shitty movie ever made. You can gird your loins all you want. Strap on your six-shooter. Make a mug of cocoa and pour in dollops of peppermint schnapps. None of this will prepare you for this masterpiece, this mad vision of the world.

No, it’s not Troll 2, you newbie. It’s not Plan 9 from Outer Space either, grandpa. It’s The Brain That Wouldn’t Die… the movie that has everything: Love, science… love of science.

Download it now. I said now!

Obligatory synopsis that doesn’t begin to do the movie justice: A mad scientist’s love for his girlfriend drives him to keep her head alive in a brownie pan filled with Magic Bosco after he accidentally decapitates her in a car accident. She’s not thrilled with the situation, but she does make a new friend—a creature the mad scientist created who lives in the closet, a big ol’ huggable mass of reanimated amputated limbs. So there’s kind of a love triangle going on here. Plus, she torments Kurt, the mangled surgeon kept as a pet man by the mad scientist. Meanwhile, the mad scientist goes shopping for a new body for his girl at strip clubs, because that makes perfect sense.

You'll need this.

 

Put on your trench coat, button it up to your neck, and put a fresh flash cube in your Instamatic. Snap as many photos of the stripper fight as you dare! You know you want to, sleeze bag!

I’ve taken dialogue from TBTWD and have transformed it into a love poem for this vastly weird movie. Please to enjoy…
Dig the poem, daddy-o.

you’ve lost the urge to experiment, to explore
the line between genius and obsessiveness is thin
you’re walking on thin ice, bill
what’s the mystery, bill?

I don’t have time to argue, kurt
don’t you want to see what’s in the closet?

my eyes are deceiving me!
what’s done is done and what I’ve done is right
she’ll live and I’ll get her another body. I’ll restore her as she was before.

you took long enough getting back here
I liked your act
is that all?
you’re no tourist looking at the sights
you could flip any chick in the house, why me?
keep your g-string on
you cheap birdbrained stripper!

I remember fire! let me die!
knock twice if I’m not the first
you! in the closet! what’s he done to you?

behind that door is the sum total of bill’s mistakes. before he injected the serum…
it was a mass of amputated limbs

the alcoholic has his bottle, the dope addict his needle, I have my research
all work and no play makes for a bad bedside manner
bill’s egotism drives him on and on, from outrage to outrage

I hate all men!

today, nothing’s hopeless
I’m not afraid of you, a head in a pan!
am I so appealing to you now?
get him

do I look like a maniac who goes around killing girls?
is it a crime to want to keep you alive, to jump science ahead by years?