Ah, the exploitation documentary! When I was in high school, Faces of Death was all the rage. It was mostly fake home movies of people being mauled by bears, eaten by alligators, highway death, and the like. But Primitive London is the progenitor of all those later movies. It is the movie that is shocked! (Shocked! I tell you!) by all the shocking things it is showing you.
Primitive London was shot in the mid-1960’s in, where else, London. Swinging London. Which was full of swingers, and such. We see strippers (with pasties and g-strings), a live birth, filthy lazy Beatniks, Mods and Rockers, a chiropodist performing a corn removal with a scalpel, a dramatization of a key party (ask your parents, kids), a coffee commercial voiceover, the industrial mass murder of chickens, more strippers in pasties and g-strings (and without)… and THE FINAL DEGRADATION OF LOVE… THE SEX LOTTERY.
I had no idea my parents’ generation was so full of sleazy degenerates. Kind of warms my heart thinking of them like this. I suppose after the carnage of two World Wars and with a looming nuclear war, watching something like this might seem like a good idea. Anything that would take your mind off of being incinerated by a bourbon-pickled Lyndon Baines Johnson grabbing the nuclear football out of the hands of his military attaché, pushing the candy-colored button inside while shouting, “Fucking commies! You die now!” would seem like a good idea, I guess.
So do I recommend this movie? Oh God no. It’s a piece of crap. But it is also a time capsule, which will make it somewhat fascinating to people like… I don’t know. You? So, okay, here you go. Click away Captain Clickie: