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Your shitty free movie of the week… this week: Invasion Of The Bee Girls (1973)

Naughty!

Hey, fellas! Remember when you were 13 years old and the scariest/most exciting thing in the world was the prospect of sexual intercourse? Of course you do. Invasion of the Bee Girls captures exactly that, though it seems that the entire male population of the United States was composed of men who were mentally 13-year-old boys at that time. Sex was new, exciting and scary in the early 1970’s. Women were all liberated and such. They were revealed to have actual human appetites, which freaked men the fuck out. Gone was the cocky swagger of the Sean Connery/James Bond male. Women, it seemed, were suddenly in the driver’s seat.

Invasion of the Bee Girls was written by Nicholas Meyer, who you may remember wrote some of the better Star Trek movies from the 1980’s, including The Wrath of Khan.

In this soft-core porn flick, women are lured into a hot female scientist’s lab and transformed into Bee Girls, who savagely love men to death. Scientist Anitra Ford uses radiation, of course, because that was still scary and new then (instead of scary and old as it is now). Oh, and the process of bee-ifcation was controlled by a ‘computer’ stolen off the set of Irwin Allen’s The Time Tunnel.

Inexplicably, the State Department takes an interest. Maybe Henry Kissinger was the one funding the research? “Vee need zexy killer vimen!” Who knows? Dr. Kissinger sends his best man into the fray, Neil Agar, who is played by William Smith, a familiar face to anyone who watched TV from the 1960’s to the 1980’s… In my memory he mostly played hoodlums and cowpokes, and was Kimo on the last season of Hawaii Five-O, the real Hawaii Five-O, mind you, the one that starred Jack Lord’s hair.

The other cop on the scene was played by Cliff Osmond (Captain Peters), yet another character actor who seemingly always got stuck with the part of the heavy back in the 1960’s and ’70’s. Nice to see these two actors have the opportunity to play good guys for once.

The Bee Girls are all monotone-voiced centerfold women who, during the course of the movie, strip naked and kill men using the weapon of overwhelming sexual appetite. Ten years later, after the 1970’s ran its sexy-sexy course, I came of age just in time for sexual liberation (and pleasure of all kinds) to ignominiously end with the advent of super herpes, AIDS and Nancy Reagan’s face glaring at me from the TV, squawking out, “Just Say No.” Yes… no. Dear God, no. One needed only to recall Nancy Reagan’s face to say no.

Is there anything else to this movie? Nipples, butts, blacked-out eyes. That’s about it. Enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUHK8E9Q8MM