Tag Archives: William S. Burroughs

Obligatory Thanksgiving Post From Your Pals at Paragraph Line

Pop Thanksgiving Quiz!

Q: Did President Truman pardon a turkey?


A: No. Not the man who dropped the bomb. He most definitely did not pardon a turkey, not after vaporizing two cities filled with The Enemy. What’s not shown in this photo is Truman whipping a straight-razor out of his pocket and slicing the throat of this bird, then rubbing the spurting turkey blood all over his face and screaming out the battle cry of Battery D, 19th Field Artillery: “Fuck all of you! Fuck you all!” And then there was the cackling. The hideous cackling. Secretary of Labor Lewis Schwellenbach had a gripper on the spot and died next to the twitching turkey carcass. 

Now we shall take a moment to say a prayer that turkeys can fly.

Done a-prayin’? Good! Mainly, what I’m thankful for is that we have the best Congress that money can buy. If I was German, though, I’d be thankful for Heino.

What’s the real meaning of Thanksgiving, Charlie Brown? Why, it’s commerce, you blockhead! Remember: If you don’t participate in Black Friday, our annual patriotic orgy of consumerism, Jesus will appear in a pancake and smite you.

The William S. Burroughs Creative Writing Course

Interested in creative writing, but don’t want to pay the price of a high-end Lexus per year to an MFA program and permanently indenture yourself to the student loan Man?  Check out this series of lectures from Bill Burroughs that he gave at Naropa University in Boulder back in 1979.  The three 90-ish minute audio lectures cover everything from Conrad and Fitzgerald to Steven King’s The Shining.  Not sure yet if it has a section on morphine use or shooting your wife, but good information nonetheless.

Dangerous Minds | Take a creative writing course with William Burroughs.

Happy Birthday, Bill Burroughs

Today is the day, a century ago, that our patron saint William S. Burroughs entered this world.  It’s hard to believe his breed of batshit insanity began a hundred years ago, but it did, and we’re still talking about it.

I’m sure everyone on the internet is agog with posts about him today, so I’ll keep it short.  Here’s an excellent documentary on the man, Commissioner of Sewers. Check it out, and here’s to another hundred years of postmodern sickness and dementia, just the way we like it.

The Burroughs Century in Bloomington, Indiana

This looks pretty cool – in celebration of William S. Burroughs’ hundredth birthday next month, there’s a big wingding doing down in Bloomington, Indiana.  It’s going to include movies, a gallery of rare manuscripts, and talks from Lydia Lunch and Mark Hosler from Negativland.  There’s also a costume ball.  If I was female, I’d go as Joan Vollmer with a hole in the head.  If I was still fat, I’d go as bloated, drunken Jack Kerouac and spew jingoistic babble at the hippies.  Either way, sounds like a lot of fun.

The Burroughs Century | February 5 – 9, 2014, Bloomington, Indiana.